


Sideways

by Ursa_99



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Diyoza with Octavia and Clarke would be a scary force to recon with-lets call them team Cerberus, Not sure where this is going like always, Really think Diyoza is like an older Clarke, Season 6 episode 3 ending difference, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-08 10:11:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18892531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursa_99/pseuds/Ursa_99
Summary: Clarke knew what it was like to be left behind, she wasn't going to let that happen to Earth's last two snakes, even if she wants to punch them in the face.Or Where Clarke let's guilt win and goes after the two people who destroyed her beautiful valley.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PSA: Is the jacket Diyoza wearing say 'Shaw" on it? Will she even know he's dead? I need these answers for the walking meme of the fandom!!!

Madi peaked out from under the soft covers that were smoother than the furs she and Clarke had in their valley but somehow, they were not as soft or inviting. The dark room felt more foreign than the ship they’d come down on, the walls held their own stories that were just as dark and twisted as her own peoples’ stories.

A low thud echoed in the small room, instantly she was up pulling out the fork that she stole from dinner, Clarke would have been pissed but at the same time Madi had a feeling that her surrogate mother would be secretly proud…besides she was _sure_ she saw Clarke snag one of the knives.

It was still to early to determine if the people here were actually _nice_.

“Who’s there”

A low swear hissed in the darkness, out of the shadows Clarke merged into existence, “Madi, go back to bed”

Clarke’s strong, soft, yet unyielding hand guided her back down under the covers and tucked her back into the warmish cocoon she had.

“Goodnight, my little nightblood”

Madi scrambled forward clinging to the blonde’s arm, it sounded like a goodbye to her. “Clarke, what are you doing”

But Madi didn’t need to be told anything, Clarke’s eyes said it all.

“You’re going after Diyoza”

A small nod from Clarke, “And Octavia” was the only thing before she tried hopping out of the bed again, but the hand held her back.

“No, Madi”

“Clarke! If I can’t go you can’t go” It was supposed to be an order but even to her own ears it sounded whiny, like when she was a young child begging for more fish from the stream but unaware of the stress it put on their little ecosystem in the early years after praimfaya. She hugged Clarke’s arm harder practically forcing Clarke to bend completely over the bed.

“Madi—”

“No! You’ll need my help, the trouble…” Tears were pricking at the corner of her eyes, a deep uneasy feeling was eating away at her, the same one she got when she was talking with Gaia, if she let Clarke go there was no guarantee that she’d ever come back.

Clarke cupped her face, gently rubbing circles with a thumb against her cheek.

“Hey, hey, Madi shushhh. It’s okay, I’ll see you again”

“They might kick us out if you bring her back, Clarke” The knew the pleading wasn’t going to deter Clarke, but there was something eating away at her, something was off but she didn’t know what it was.

Clarke sighed kissing her forehead, “Which is why I’m not bringing her back”

What?!

“You can’t be serious, there isn’t anything out there but the people who attacked us. The ones with darts that can _paralyze_ you with just a little nick”

The fingers running through her hair didn’t calm her like they normally would, instead it seemed to have the opposite effect on her.

“Maybe, but _no one_ deserves to be left behind and _abandoned_ , not matter the atrocities they’ve committed, we’re supposed to be doing better; I should have pushed harder for Diyoza but I was too afraid…but I’m serious, _no one_ is left behind, _no one_ gets abandoned. We’re in this together. For instance, I’ll be with Murphy in hell so—”

She hit Clarke’s shoulder pulling a little ‘ow’ from the great Wanheda.

“Don’t joke like that, it’s not funny!”

The panic was starting to engulf her chest, Clarke wouldn’t be returning, she wouldn’t be welcomed back. This was supposed to be their second chance; this was their _only_ chance and Clarke was willing to throw it into the wind for someone who helped destroy their home and was banned from their new one.

Madi clung on as hard as she could, ignoring the grunt from her mother.

“No, please…don’t leave” she begged.

She nuzzled closer, this could just be sleep deprivation and the flame playing tricks on her; but every touch, every scent told her otherwise, that this was the final time she was going to see the woman who raised her in the hellscape they once called Earth.

“May we meet again little one”

Another kiss hit her forehead, one that felt to final to have any other meaning but goodbye forever, like the final nail to a coffin. The warmth of her bed seemed to seep away the farther Clarke went from her.

“May we meet again” she whimpered.

Clarke gave her a small smile, a pack previously unseen swung onto the shoulders that always seemed to hold up the world and in mere seconds Clarke was moving towards the door, the beast—a dog as Clarke called it—trotted after, but it stopped when Clarke turned around in the doorway pointing back at her.

It whined but didn’t protest much more after Clarke fed it something.

Madi watched the beast, that felt akin to a soul similar to Monty and Harper, come closer its golden mane like her mother’s. The dog flopped down at her side, nose brushing her exposed hand and whined; Madi’s own coming not long after when she noticed Clarke was gone without a trace the second she turned back towards the doorway, she turned into the soft pillow that offered false comfort and cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke quickly walked out, she had a limited time to get out without being seen, and if she stayed any longer, she knew she wouldn’t leave Madi behind.

She almost laughed thinking how not even twenty-four hours ago Russell Lightbourne was asking is she’d ever known peace, well, it looks like she would never now.

“Clarke?”

She froze instantly when a set of feet tentatively tapped closer, “Clarke what are you doing up”

Turning she spied Jordan as he came closer, instantly the feeling regret and guilt surfaced, she was supposed to watch after him too, for his parents; but now, now he may be dragged into a war that was not their own.

“I could ask you the same thing, you should go back to sleep”

The boy wouldn’t look her in the eyes longer than three seconds, he looked like a train wreck even after she dressed his wounds. Not even a week on the ground and he was starting to lose his smile by nightfall each day.

“I couldn’t”

Frowning she stepped closer, putting a hand on his shoulder and moving his chin with the other till she got him to look at her. There was exhaustion in his eyes dulling them, and something else.

“Why” she asked softly with concern, maybe she missed something.

“Uh—I…” the young man was fidgeting back and forth, a hand constantly going to the back of his head to pick at strands of hair before falling away to its partner and then back up again not five seconds later.

“Earlier, about everything”

Oh. He was talking about his blabbering.

“They would have found out eventually, I’m sorry if I scarred you, but you can’t just go around—”

“No!” Jordan’s head whipped up with a snap that made her cringe. “You don’t need to apologize. If I listened better then maybe they wouldn’t have originally thrown us out so fast, we could have had more time to convince them; well you did eventually when you saved Delilah, thank you for that, I know I shouldn’t have talked to he so much at least not with the personal stories mom and dad told, but she’s like a princess and beautiful and I haven’t met someone of my age and—and I’m rambling. Sorry”

Clarke sighed harder but couldn’t help the small grin that grew at the end, Jordan shouldn’t have had to keep secrets, nor should he have to be limited in making new friends, gods know he didn’t have anyone but his parents, he needed to interact with others. _And_ those two were kind of cute together…

Jordan looked so guilty and it hurt her heart again to think about the boy who lost his parents during his time in cryo, gently she rubbed his back till he was looking at her again.

“It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes, some more than others but that’s not you. You have an amazing heart just like your parents with a mind to match”

Jordan started running a hand through his hair again, it must have been a nervous tick of his, she wondered who it belonged to more, Monty or Harper.

“It wasn’t, it really wasn’t, Clarke if you didn’t save Delilah…then a lot of things could have gotten so much worse, like we’d have found ourselves forced out and alone on a planet with trees that eat people…apparently”

She didn’t want to think about what they’d have done if they _were_ forced to leave, more bloodshed probably, then Lightbourne would have been right that they _couldn’t_ change.

“Honestly, it’s not your fault, we should have guessed that people would want to find out what went down on Earth, and one way or the other they would have found out, you’re in the green Green. You’re _good_ ”

Jordan cleared his throat, bobbing his head to her words but she worried he’d hold onto the guilt given his midnight appearance. It was an honest slip up, though a costly one.

For the umpteenth time Clarke found herself sighing.

“I’m sorry none the less” he murmured.

She patted his arm, “It’s okay, I know more than anyone about screwing up”

To her confusion, Jordan just frowned at her, not in anger or confusion per say but more curiosity than anything else.

“What?” she asked.

“How—what did you screw up?”

_Uh…everything?_

“Jordan, I messed up a lot, it’s to long of a story to tell but I need to—”

“But you saved mom and dad lots of times, like in the mountain, the whole Wanheda and trying to make peace with the grounders”

A new hole started tearing itself into her heart. Right, Monty took a page from her book and told stories about them.

“I’m not a good person Jordan, did your parents tell you that I left Bellamy to die in a fighting pit or left their names off a list that was use to choose certain people in case the end of the world happened, which it did _twice_ might I add”

To her surprise he nodded, a shy smile flickering in and out of existence as if he wasn’t sure it was an appropriate gesture.

“Yeah, but no matter how amazing you are, you can’t do everything by yourself besides…mom said she saw where you came from during the last war, what ever that meant. It was funny because dad would always begrudgingly agree, he felt hurt but it wasn’t exactly because you two weren’t on the same side well that was part of it was but it was ‘because we haven’t change’” he quoted. “I also think it was because he never got to see an old friend after so long and then they…you know”

“They stayed awake”

Jordan nodded, eyes glistening for a whole new reason.

“Yeah, they did…he missed you a lot, one of the more constant heroes in his tales”

She wanted to cry, every time she took a second to see what she’s lost or the hypothetical what could have beens, mostly it was that this kid could see no evil in front of him.

“Jordan that’s sweet, it really is” she cleared her throat hoping to remove the emotions that were threatening to choke her, “but I’m not a good guy okay? I’ve done more harm than good no matter how hard I try—”

Arms wrapped around her without warning, every cell in her body told her to throw the assailant off, that they weren’t Madi and therefor a threat. Even if logically she knew it was Jordan, she didn’t feel entirly safe.

Slowly she wrapped an arm around the last Green, trying to remind herself that he was the most harmless thing she’s seen, _ever_. Once her arm was around his neck she slowly moved the other one till it was around his torso, the kid being to tall and towering over her even in his hunched form; for a reaction that would have been second nature to her a hundred and thirty-one years ago it felt second guessed to hug someone. Just how broken was she?

“But you _tried_ , dad was always praised your stubbornness when he was half awake, told me to be like that—”

“You really should not be like me at all costs”

Jordan hugged her tighter a small chuckle coming from him, “That’s for me to decide, but…even if you aren’t a hero in anyone else’s book you are in mine”

“Jordan”

He gave one last squeeze before rubbing the tired tears from his eyes, “G’night Clarke, see you when you get Diyoza and Octavia back”

She blinked, “How did you?”

“Walls of wood and sheet aren’t as good as metal”

Jordan offered one last tired smile before going towards the stares, before he made it out of sight, she ran to the bottom calling him.

“Jordan” the young man turned around, “Promise me you’ll look after Madi, not as heda but a friend, please”

A genuine smile graced his lips, “I’ve been trying but I don’t think she likes me much”

Clarke felt herself relax, Madi wouldn’t have to be serious all the time if those two could get along.

“Now’s the time to be stubborn”

He blinked, “But you said—”

“In your own way, goodnight Jordan”

The radiant smile seemed to grow brighter before disappearing with the young man onto the second story and into his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke smiled to herself through yet another sigh, they’ll be okay, with Madi and Jordan to help shape things. They were losing grasp on their second chance but they haven’t lost it completely and she’d be damned if she let it fall anymore, but _everyone_ should get a second chance.

“Clarke?”

Crap.

She contemplated bolting but that would only cause more fuss in the long run.

“Hey…Bellamy”

This wasn’t good, despite the small heart to heart and the reintroduction into human etiquette from the Lightbournes and the awkward Green, she still didn’t have the best grasp with others. Besides she needed to leave now if she was going to have a chance of getting to Diyoza before something happened, _then_ she’d have to find Octavia somehow…

Octavia. Fuuuuuck, Bellamy would be the only one to really know where she could possibly be.

The man in question appeared by her side looking up the stairs where Jordan trotted off. For a second he didn’t say anything and then even when he did he didn’t look at her.

“What’s with the bag Clarke”

Straight to the point then.

“I’m going after Diyoza and Octavia”

It was another explosion. She could see and hear Bellamy’s head whipping down toward her, she didn’t need to be a doctor to tell that he gave himself a small case of whiplash.

“What?! No, leave those two, they’ve done enough”

The deep anger that must have festered for sometime under the surface seemed to bubble forth with an unquenchable force.

“Bellamy they—”

“Don’t deserve this, they’re a danger to us all. Hell, Octavia killed the people who were at our ship in cold blood without seeing the fuckery of it all, that’s why I left her behind”

Clarke looked at the man she once knew like the back of her hand, but now even the little she started to re-know seemed to slip away. She could understand, she really did. It was her valley that was the battle ground, the golden trophy, the paradise in-between hells; she also knew the hate and feeling of betrayal, knew it all to well, but what he did to his sister was questionable even for him.

“No one deserves to be left behind, _no one_ ” How could he have so readily abandoned the only blood he had left; did he not see that Octavia was trying, fighting demons no different than hers or his own?

An anger quickly started to boil her blood, if he was going to leave her to die he should have done that back on Earth then they could have had a chance at peace with Diyoza and her men, and Monty and Harper wouldn’t have had to die, many wouldn’t have had to die, Jordan wouldn’t have to feel like an orphan and Madi wouldn’t have the burden of the flame or leadership.

“Tell me Bellamy, do I deserve a second chance” It was cold, smooth, and calm even to her own ears.

“Yes!” He had the audacity to look offended at her response.

Clarke could feel herself starting to feed of Bellamy’s own anger, the rational part of her brain was telling her to ditch the conversation before either of them said something they’d regret. Or truly meant deep down. The memory of Bellamy strangling her, telling her that he didn’t need her whispered in the back of her mind with her mother’s voice still layered with static.

She shook her head, to many emotions, to many possible what ifs and how tos were pressing against the back of her eyes. She didn’t need to drown now, she needed to get to Diyoza and Octavia.

“Then so do they! For crying out loud, Hope is only couple of months away from being born, Diyoza is the only reason why we got our ship back; Octavia…Octavia fucked up just as bad as I did, if I deserve a second chance than so do they. You used to never _abandon_ people”

“They deserve hell!” he countered.

“So, do I!” They were both huffing, an uncontrollable anger incredibly close to the surface threatening to pull them under, but this time there was no eclipse to blame for the harm.

“You don’t, you _don’t_ Clarke, if you need forgiveness—”

“Then I will _earn_ it, but I need a second chance for that, and right now those two don’t have a chance to earn theirs’ I don’t want to argue with you so just go back to bed”

She had half a mind to yell at him all night, but she didn’t have the time and was to afraid of what he would say, what _she_ would say.

A hand gripped her arm painfully, a similar fear to that of when Jordan hugged her filled the core of her body, she could even feel her heart rate increase and the carotids beating to a different pace in her neck.

“You will not go, we don’t know what’s else is in the woods. You didn’t see what the Children of Gabriel, they _decapitated_ the other primes, and in case you forgot” he hissed into her ear, but it was counter balanced with what she could only describe as a desperate whisper. It didn’t go past her that he smelled of alcohol lingering faintly from his breath “you have the same colored blood”

Clarke tried to speak, but pain was shooting up her arm, he was squeezing to fight. She doubted Bellamy noticed his increasing pressure on her arm at all in his angered state. Looking down she could see his fingers pulling the skin around her arm compressing it down into the bone.

“Madi doesn’t know what you’re doing” he added, but she couldn’t tell if it was a statement or a question, and from the crazed look in Bellamy’s eyes he didn’t quite know as well.

“She does, Bellamy sto—”

“So, you’re still going to leave her” he spat a laugh at her, “Should’ve know, it’s the only thing you do”

Quickly she flung her back into Bellamy’s chest, receiving an escaped breath of air from the man before yanking her arm down and twisting under his armpit, Clarke came all the way up forcing Bellamy’s arm behind his own person. A startled yelp came from the man as he tumbled forward with a final push from a kick in the back.

She looked down to her throbbing skin, bruises were already darkening her scarred hide. Clarke swallowed hard and closed her eyes, images of hands gripped her throat, squeezing so tightly that she choked just trying to breath _out_ much less take any breath in.

“Clarke”

Shaking her head she looked to the man on the ground before her, his eyes were flicking from her arm to her throat a image of horror raining over his features.

“Clarke I didn’t know, I’m so sorry, I never meant—are you—” He trailed of scrambling back onto his feet with a sway. He tried reaching a hand out to try and ease the pain in some way but she took an instinctive step back.

It was like she slapped him all over again, his eyes dimmed and she could see tears threatening to form.

“Clarke, _please,_ say something” he begged.

He took another step towards her but Clarke felt her fried nerves taking over and survival instinct taking over with the adrenaline and pain. For every step Bellamy took she jumped three more back, all the while tentatively rubbing circles over her tender and bruised appendage.

“May we meet again” Clarke quickly turned and sprinted off into the darkness. Part of her knew Bellamy’s actions were from the alcohol still present in his system, and that part of his raging anger was from their worn and wired nerves that always seem to be flared at one another waiting to be set off, but it didn’t stop the pain in her arm, the tears in her eyes, or the unwanted fear in her heart.


End file.
